Published in The Prague Post, c. 1999. Text from the author's final draft; the printed version may differ slightly.
Through malicious rumors circulating among students of foreign languages, Czech has gained an undeserved reputation for being a difficult language. That is very sad, because Czech in fact is not hard at all. It is only learning Czech that is hard. But it is no harder than learning any other language. Language learning is hard and it takes a lot of time. But it also takes a positive attitude and motivation.
Czech's reputation is largely undeserved. There is one feature (which Czech shares with other Slavic languages) that is discouraging for beginner students. It is the fact that Czech words take on different endings practically all the time. For example, one of the simplest things in English I'm from requires that the student learn at least four different endings and memorize which words go with what endings . Students flee in the face of such adversity without realizing that a bit of clenched teeth might see them through the rocky beginnings after which the sailing is much plainer. There are no articles to tackle and only three tenses. So what's the big deal?
This simple program was created to boost confidence in beginner students. Follow it on your own or with a group of friends but remember that success is inevitable for those who have patience.
Overcome your fear of Ř!
Ř is loved and nurtured by Czechs. They believe that no one who wasn't raised on knedlíky can master it. Learning it is in fact laughably easy but in the overall scheme of Czech it is unimportant. Czechs find enjoyment in hearing people muck up this preposterous sound. Don't ruin it for them by getting it right. (There is no doubt that the current president was elected chiefly for not being able to sort out his rs.) We're a small nation and take pride in small things.
If ř was all that is difficult about Czech pronunciation all would be well in this world. Unfortunately, as it turns out ř is not nearly as difficult for native speakers of English as some other sounds. True, many people struggle with it, and it does sound very exotic (which it is) but when it comes to it most students master it well after a few tries. The real stumbling blocks are h and ch as far as pronunciation is concerned, but the most important sounds are the soft versions of d, t, and n namely ď, ť, and ň. They're not so much difficult to produce as they are pick out in words, and unfortunately, they are very important for understanding Czech.
Admit that you can do it!
Beginning with your teacher to your classmates everybody will try to stress how difficult a language Czech is. Don't let it get to you. First, they don't know what they're talking about, and second, you can do it on your head. You've done much more difficult things in your life. Learning to use the computer for one. Czech is child's play compared to learning how to ride bike.
So many people don't learn Czech because they kept hearing from everybody that they can't do it. I know some who have but don't admit it to themselves. Don't let yourself be discouraged. Give it a go.
Learn to learn!
This is beginning to sound dangerously like a trendy exercise in psychobabble but nothing could be more true than the above. Although you've already learned one language you've probably forgotten how to do it. Learning a foreign language is not a natural process and not everybody does it in the same way. Explore and utilize strategies that work for you. Buy a book about learning. Take a learning style quiz. Research shows that people who have received some instruction in how to learn are more successful. Everything that people do can get better by practice. Your teacher will probably know very little about learning styles, educate him or her.
Do your homework!
When you budget your time for lessons don't forget to include slots for homework. For every hour spent with a teacher you need at least another one on your own. Get out and about and use the language as well. This is very demanding but keep at it, it will get better with time. Rome wasn't built in a day and no language was learned in three months (no matter what some publishers try to sells to you).
Take a class! Now!
Or take private lessons. Whatever works for you. But do it now. Prague is home to thousands of expatriates who have been going to take a course next month for several years. There is no excuse for not doing it. If you don't you're a wimp! Very few people can learn a language simply by being in a foreign country and you'd better start off with the assumption that you're not one of them.
Buy a dictionary!
Although you will find it said elsewhere in this section that there no really good dictionaries for learners of Czech, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't get one (or more). Don't trust your memory and much less your notes from class. Many textbooks come with a vocabulary list but that is not enough. Buy a dictionary and use it!
Buy a textbook!
There are quite a few decent textbooks available so you can shop around and buy one that suits you most. You will probably end up buying two or more because no single textbook is comprehensive enough for all needs. Just don't fall prey to the common assumption that by buying a coursebook you're done enough for your Czech. Although I don't recommend it, you can learn a language without any book at all but not without spending lots and lots of time working at it.
Find a mate! Get motivated!
This has been touted as a very effective way of learning a foreign language. Alas, it is not always so. First, your partner will probably be as interested in learning your language as you are in his or hers. (And probably twice as motivated.) You need to establish rules and be firm about them. You must identify your motivation. Unmotivated people never learn a language. If you can't identify a motivation, find one! Sharing your life with somebody may be a very potent incentive!
Discover your evil side!
Despite your best efforts, Czech people will insist that your Czech is abysmal and why don't you speak in English instead. Don't give in. Keep speaking in Czech even if they answer you in your own language. Pretend you don't understand them if you must. But fight with all you have to establish a pattern. If you converse in English with someone regularly it is an up-hill battle trying to revert into Czech. Prevent it! Be obstinate!
Read trash fiction!
Reading is probably the single most underused tool for learning a language among Czech students. Yet it is mostly through learning that people significantly expand their vocabulary and assimilate patterns of language. Some people claim to have learned all their language in a pub but more often than not that is only a illusion. There is only so much language learning a pitcher of beer can facilitate. Start with buy some trashy novels in Czech. Books you've read in your language before are great for this because you can focus on the language rather than the plot. Don't be afraid of reading the papers either. The Internet is great for this because most online newspapers have short summaries for their longer articles (try http://www.idnes.cz).
Move out of Prague!
"Vow, hold your horses here! Seeing Prague is what set me about this Czech thing in the first place. If I have to go somewhere else to learn it, it's a no go," you may say. But it's true. Prague throws everything in its might in the path of the righteous student of Czech. Starting with its several tens of thousands of expatriates and their The Globes and Jo's Bars all the way through to hundreds of thousands of university students eager to practice their English. You can, and people have, spend 10 years in Prague without learning much more than pivo.
It is much easier to find people willing to chat with you in Czech outside the capital. Prague is overrated anyway. If you're American, you might have as well stayed home. True, there's the amazing architecture and all, but who would want to live in Disneyland? Saying you've lived in a foreign country after a year in Prague is almost a lie. There are thousands of spectacular spots all around the Czech Republic. Take a trip through the countryside of Český ráj (Bohemian Paradise) and you can hit five castles on a one-day hike. If you really want to learn Czech find a town like Jičín and settle there for a year or at least a few months. If you need to work in Prague move into a smaller town like Beroun, Kladno or Mladá Boleslav and commute (lots of people do).
Avoid the common learner errors!
Focus your energies right. Textbooks and teachers will insist that you get all the cases right all the time. That is not nearly as important as other things. Take some inspiration from the following words of Pavel Eisner, Czech philologist, written some forty years ago but relevant even more for today's Czech. "For us, mistakes in cases and collocations are very conspicuous but we accept them easily, often laughing, when we realize that the speaker is a foreigner. Mistakes in the complex laws of aspect, however, we feel are very awkward albeit we can admit that it is extremely hard for a non-Czech to master this devilish grammatical complexity of the Czech language. We react most vividly, also, at any deviation from the vowel length and correct placement of stress."
Aspect is probably the only truly difficult thing about Czech grammar and vowel length is the most troublesome problem of pronunciation. Think about vowels and their lengths next time you walk into the wrong-gender bathroom because you confused paní and páni. Paní, as you probably know, means Mrs. while páni means gentlemen. The difference is in the accents over a and i which signify that the vowels are pronounced twice as long.
Below are some rather amusing errors to avoid. But before you start laughing, remember that without errors, there is no learning.
Jsem filé, 27. únor. I'm a fish steak. Feb 27. Jsem ve znamení ryby. I'm Pisces. Feb 27
Jsem Američan a ty jsi čeština. I'm American and you are the Czech language. Jsem Američan a ty jsi Češka. I'm American and you are Czech.
Moje sestra je záchraná služba. My sister is an emergency. Moje sestra pracuje na záchrané službě. My sister works with the emergency service.
Můžu mluvit s panou ředitelkou. May I speak with virgin director? Můžu mluvit s paní ředitelkou. May I speak with the director?
Blili jsme v Kopřivnici. We hurled in Kopřivnice. Byli jsme v Kopřivnici. We were in Kopřivnice.
Babič. grand-male Dědeček. grandfather
Svobodný vs. Komunismus. single (man) vs. communism svobodný vs. ženatý single (man) vs. married
Mužka. ? (fly) Manželka. wife
Oni pojdou. They will die (like animals). Oni pojedou. They will go.
Mám dva teplé muže. I have two homosexual husbands. ? ?
Dělám malý špaňelky. I do little Spanish girls. Mluvím trochu španělsky. I speak a little Spanish.